Over this recent holiday season, I have noticed that many people are feeling disappointed and hurt by the actions of their family members. We all see the ads and movies of holiday joy and smiles but in reality, people are often facing sadness. I heard about the family that made plans and excluded a family member. That excluded family member was very upset and spent Christmas home, alone. I heard about a family member that got engaged but since she blocked certain family members on social media, the excluded family members learned of the engagement through rumors. And the mother who does not hear from any of her children on Mother’s Day, or a birthday. And then there is the family that did invite everyone to a holiday feast out of obligation and gave everyone lovely gifts except one person who got a dollar store item. I even heard about adult children saying they would visit a parent on a holiday meal but then never show.
These stories remind me that we cannot choose our relatives. It takes both sides to form relationships. We get disappointed when the other side does not reciprocate our attempts to have a connection. And we cannot force the others to meet us in the middle to have a relationship. After our attempts to have that desired connection fail, seeming futile, we experience disappointment. The sadness can be overwhelming but it does not have to control us.
We do not have to be trapped in our disappointment. We have control over who we associate with. Family is not always a relative. Family can be those that accept us as who we are-the good and the bad. It is hard to let go of the fantasy family we seek but disappointing ourselves with the unfulfilled fantasy is not treating ourselves with kindness either. When the relatives disappoint, find your family and friends that supports you.